There are countless wedding planning articles on the Internet. Most are surrounded by pastel and floral imagery because they’re geared toward the brides-to be. However, in the modern world, grooms often take a bigger role in planning the special day. Really, grooms tend to fall on one end of the spectrum or the other. They’re either super involved in all the decision-making or they have a more laissez faire mindset, jokingly saying, “Just tell me when and where to show up.”

Much of a groom’s involvement in the planning may depend on the stage of life of the couple and who has more time to actually do the planning. For example, if the bride is finishing grad school during the wedding planning season, the groom may take on a bigger role with planning the wedding… or at least the errands associated with planning a wedding.

If you’re the groom-to-be and you’re reading this, here are some tips on how you can (should?) be involved in planning a wedding with your bride-to-be.

The Guest List

The guest list has the potential to be one of the most contentious aspects of planning a wedding. If the bride’s family is paying for the ceremony and reception, you have to respect their number limit on guests. Your challenge then becomes navigating all the people your family wants to invite as well as all the people your bride and her family want to invite while staying within the parameters of a budget or head count.

Family Communication

Guys, you’re the liaison between your family and your bride during this time. She shouldn’t be expected to talk to all of her family members and yours. It’s not that she doesn’t want to get to know your family or that she’s avoiding them. This is a stressful time and learning how to interact with new personalities is just an added complication. Make those calls for her. Practice your communication by relaying information for/to her.

Coordinate Groomsmen

You get to pick your groomsmen. You’re also responsible for your groomsmen. If you don’t have a responsible best man, then you’re the responsible man. You’re responsible for making sure the groomsmen get fitted for tuxes or suits or whatever they will be wearing to your wedding. You’re responsible for making sure they show up where they’re supposed to be and when. It’s only as difficult as your groomsmen, but don’t make it another item on your bride’s to-do list.

Support the Bride-to-be

Perhaps the biggest role a groom can play in planning a wedding, regardless of how much you care about (or don’t care about) color schemes and center pieces, is to be a supportive partner throughout the process. Encourage her by making positive comments about aspects of the planning you particularly like. Give your honest opinion when she asks for it. (It’s your wedding, too.) Offer to run errands, make phone calls, and do research for her. Here’s a list of things you might offer to do that will make her love you even more:

  • Visit potential venues.
  • Find a wedding DJ for the reception
  • Create a transportation plan from the ceremony to the reception for the wedding party (if applicable).
  • Schedule appointments to do things like meet with photographers, taste cake, or find lodging.

You probably have not been dreaming about this day since you were a little boy, but being active in the planning process would mean a lot to your wife-to-be!